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A Year in Prayer

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2009.09.16  09.37
letter from G-d

Dear One,

You're right where you need to be.  I see what you really want is to have the experience of feeling yourself, your essence.  You've felt this with others reflecting your essence, reflecting the divine in you, so you're trying to see it in them.  But then your divinity depends on their presence.  And what you really, really want is to feel it, feel me, on your own.  So you get angry when others reflect anything but the highest truth.  You get resentful and cynical.  But deep down, you know that only you can show yourself your truth.  Deep down, you really only want to be with people who support the highest truth, who don't buy into the illusion of the small self. 

What you want is to see the world through my eyes.  To share your life with me and feel the gifts of living a divinely inspired life.  To live in harmony with me.  To feel yourself as many moments as possible.  To explore the world and play.  To give and receive love.  To be expansive.  To see how high you can soar.  To live with integrity and dignity and to play full out, even when that means resting.

I get that what you're wanting is compassionate truth.  And reality.  You're wanting clarity.  Let's not even have it be a question whether you are "good enough" or "ok enough" or "lovable enough."  Let's have the questions be, "how open is your heart?" "how much are you loving and caring for yourself?"  "how much are you willing to tell the truth in this moment?"  "how much love are you allowing yourself to receive from me?"

When challenging things happen, know that I am not abandoning you.  I have only love for you.  These things occur, partly for your growth, to open you to a new way of being or a new possibility, and partly for reasons you cannot understand at this moment.  Know that I am completely here with you at every moment, and feel me whenever you call me in your heart.  You are infinitely ok, as I have made you in my own image.

Rest in the divine heart,
Your Creator

 
 


 
  2009.09.15  21.21
now

now can feel like

no plus ow

or i can simply

let it be

now

 
 


 
  2009.09.13  12.18
the returns

having been lightyears away
the curve of space
the distortion of light caused by a black hole

returning
as if i was never gone
yet feeling my skin "again"

the paradox of not waiting one more second
to live
and knowing patiently that the living is happening all the while

learning
to love
the tick of the clock
the beat of the drum
and the spaces in between

 
 


 
  2009.05.05  08.33
surrrender

newborn, raw, vulnerable to the core
bloody, breathing air for the first time
i have no words for god
yet
i have simply my voice
ahhhhhhhhhhhh

 
 


 
  2009.05.04  23.33
a fine mist

neither rain nor fog
blankets the landscape
trees, grass, flowers, soil
no thing untouched by the kiss of her soft wet gaze
bless me, i ask her
and purify my eyes, my hands, the path i walk
show me how you embrace everything with nothing

 
 


 
  2009.05.01  23.42
may day

the air begins to warm
faeries and elves play tricks on the tall people
hearts open and gaze upward, bursting with winter's store
rainbow ribbons on the maypole haphazardly tied
a bud pokes through the dirt (blissfully) 
unaware of the last frost

but tonight, the fiddle brings simple gifts.

 
 


 
  2008.06.30  16.51
how it works

is a mystery to me. 
this milky, melodic mask makes me tremble and quake
but underneath i'm beaming.

 
 


 
  2008.06.13  11.04
begin again

so many places i have been
always away, always home
and again coming out of hiding
out to play
gently

 
 


 
  2008.01.16  20.58
humility

a stubborn heart and wayward will
brings suffering
heal my hurts and re-focus my sights
grant me the willingness to act in my best interest
and the best interest of others
and align my thoughts with gratitude

 
 


 
  2008.01.15  21.58
waves of self

washing over the earth body
waves of who we are
waves that know to tumble ashore
that know the direction of home
unafraid of crashing
the wisdom of water, like electricity,
ever moving back toward the ground.
guide me, like gravity, like water, like electricity,
always back to the source.

 
 


 
  2008.01.15  11.37
patience

let my head find rest in my open heart
let me heart expand and contract appropriately
let my calling be revealed through my desire and my fulfillment
let me take each step in stride
with patience

 
 


 
  2008.01.14  11.36
endings

mark time and space
provide an arc to ride
make room for beginnings
make precious the middle

 
 


 
  2008.01.10  08.42
practice

that i may be imperfect
that i may be present
that i may be seen
that i may be loved
that i may be inspired
that i may be of service
that i may simply be

 
 


 
  2008.01.09  23.10
begin the journey

"when will we begin?" she asked
"but we already have," he whispered, "didn't you notice the flowers growing over the path?"
"i want to see all the flowers there are to see!" she said
"open your eyes, my dear!  they're all around you!"
"why, is that my house?  it's so full of flowers i didn't recognize it!  where did they come from?"
"silly dear, they've always been there."
"you're joking!"
"my little buttercup, i'm always joking!"

 
 


 
  2008.01.08  22.45
eat, pray, hate, love

her words bristle my spine
and i evade them like a bar of soap
but this book keeps ending up in my hands
flying home to california i open this damn book
and it's out like snakes on a plane
i can't escape
that fearsome forked tongue
the sway of the cobra wings
she sinks her venom into me
and i collapse into love

 
 


 
  2008.01.01  21.29
new year, new challenges

beginning the new year with challenges
can i step up to the challenge
with grace, integrity, and clarity?
can i return to the center of love
when i find myself off-balance
again and again?

 
 


 
  2007.12.31  23.10
the new year

with more peace
integrity
focus
clarity
lightness
laughter
and joy

and beginning a lifelong yoga practice

 
 


 
  2007.12.30  23.13
retreat

retreating inside
resting
doing nothing
but crochet
being
listening
sleeping
eating

reflecting

surrounded by words of hope and love
and struggle

advance
and retreat

 
 


 
  2007.12.23  00.38
spiraling upward

today
i walk a very familiar path
looking down, a hundred paths like the one i'm on
but today, i'm floating above the old way
watching it from on high
as i also walk
upward

(also spiral absorbs the shocks
like a slinky)

 
 


 
  2007.12.22  23.09
stillness

the inner life out of which everything unfolds
the darkness
the stillness
under the words
and the actions
something deep, mysterious
powerful

allow me to inhabit this stillness
to return to the source
that i may again spring forth into the world

 
 


 
  2007.12.21  23.57
more wallpaper

overheard in our sacred circle
"so much of what i see is just wallpaper.
surrounding me
so many of our interactions
full of useless words
wallpaper.
even my saying this
is wallpaper.
and i wonder...  what's underneath?"

overheard in my head (and repeated aloud)
"more wallpaper."

and then a bout of uncontrollable laughter
as well as some tears

 
 


 
  2007.12.20  23.51
a vision for the new year

waking up with an overwhelming sense of peace, gratitude, love, and fullness for my life,
knowing i will spend each moment of the day doing exactly what i want and need
nothing more, nothing less
needing to be busy or important has fallen away.
i spend my day in love with my highest self and my love overflows
my spirit is aligned with my thoughts, words, and actions.
what brings me joy is also what brings me money
friends
family
peace
what i am moved to do is continually
inspiring
clear
powerful and
fun!
i have a partner
a famliy
a wonderful, peaceful home,
and a sense of infinite possibility  

 
 


 
  2007.12.19  23.29
asking

soaking in the hot tub
the courage to ask if i could come over
to hear no
and then the reward of yes..

the steam lifting to the sky
the heat of being surrounded by water
the pressure of the jets on my back
the glow of the moon ensconced in clouds
and the tall trees keeping me company

and all i had to do was ask

 
 


 
  2007.12.18  23.35
rainbows

possibility
rainbows refracted
through crystal
they move as the sun passes through the sky
you could paint them on the wall where they dance
capture some version of them
so when night comes
you can point to where the sun was

or

so when another day comes
you'll simply have more rainbows

 
 


 
  2007.12.17  18.14
juggling

one egg
one handkerchief
one chainsaw
one apple
one cell phone
one elephant

keeping them all in the air
which one to bite
which one to answer
which one to never forget

lest i forget why i'm juggling...
i think it's for the fun of it.


 
 


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